This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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