I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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