First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
