I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
