it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
honey bunches of taint.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
this hospital has no fireball
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
do nipples grow back?
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