dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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