ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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