You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize