Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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