dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
