That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
