life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
