Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize