420 ftw
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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