I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
