she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
