i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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