I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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