1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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