how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize