Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
