i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize