Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
