this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
