So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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