You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
