Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
