1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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