butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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