Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
