every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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