and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
