Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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