I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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