it wasn't lemon gatorade
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
