omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
