Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
