I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
