So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
