on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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