Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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