Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
