i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
