Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Soap is not a condiment
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
