oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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