One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you will always have a special place in my vag
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize