I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
