Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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