I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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