i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
