yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
