This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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