dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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