my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm like, not good at living.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
