Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
dude. I can hear the air.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
