dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
