Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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