I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
