I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
