my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Too much gin, very little bucket
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
