Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
