Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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