i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
