uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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