We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
