I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
operation have a gay friend backfired
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
