Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
